How to Lose 5lbs in 5 Minutes (or Less)

I haven’t weighed myself in 1 year, 11 months, 29 days, 2 hours, and 15 minutes. But who’s counting, right?

Quite honestly, I haven’t had the desire to see what I weigh. I know it’s more than my lowest (a soaking wet bag of bread probably weighs more than my lowest) but less than my highest. I feel good. I can exercise, eat most food with (relatively) little guilt, and actually look in the mirror and like what I see. That’s more important than a number on a scale.

But I’m still a recovering addict.

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With all this talk of New Year’s, losing those holiday pounds, making this “your best year ever!”… it’s hard not be triggered. The other day, I went to the gym to do my regular routine, to block out all those thoughts of I have to do XXX amount of minutes or I have to eat XXX calories and There It Was. The Bane of My Old ED Existence. The Determiner of My Fate.

The Scale.

My palms grew sweaty. My legs started to shake. My skin itched. I thought, I hate guessing how much I weigh on those doctor’s sheets. What if they need to know in case I’m in a car wreck or something? I should step on. Just to see. What harm could it do?

I’ve managed to step away from that medieval-looking torture device every time so far. The one time I brought out the scale I used to keep at home, the thing had thankfully run out of batteries. I haven’t replaced them since.

I’m not saying weighing yourself is a bad thing. If you can do it without letting it rule your life, go for it! Just like counting calories and macros, weighing yourself is entirely dependent upon your own preferences and goals. But for someone who used to live-and-die by it, the scale can be a tricky tool.

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There’s a secret for those of you who are tempted to step on and see how much you weigh, while knowing that doing so would destroy your mental health. You don’t need to see that number because you can shed some pounds, all in a matter of minutes.

Without further ado, here’s my…

5 Steps to Lose (About) 5lbs in 5 Minutes (Or Less):

  1. Look at the scale. Just look at it.

See it for what it is: a manmade construction, designed to determine how much force gravity is putting on an object. See those numbers (yet another manmade construction) and that cold, hard platform. You don’t really want to put your bare feet on that, do you?

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2. Okay, after we’ve addressed the threat, touch the scale.

Wait, no, DON’T STEP ON IT! Geez, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Now, touch the scale. Poke it like you would a sleeping bear. Did it move? Let out a roar? Eat you? No? Great. We’ve now confronted the beast.

3. Here’s where it gets tricky. Pick up the scale.

Hold it in your hand. If you got one of these old-school whoppers, don’t hurt yourself. You can pretend to hold it.

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Please. Don’t try to pick this up!

In an ironic twist of fate, guess how much it weighs. More than a loaf of bread? Less than an elephant? Maybe at least a pound, right? (Which, fun fact, is how much your own weight can fluctuate in a matter of hours.)

4. Now, throw it out the window.

Okay, maybe not. Wouldn’t want to end up reenacting one of those cartoons where a piano falls on a coyote. Not to mention the lawsuits.

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But seriously, throw away the scale. Toss it in the trash, smash it with a sledgehammer… whatever will prevent you from checking your weight just this once. *Note: if the scale isn’t yours, again, pretend to throw it away in your mind. Please don’t get kicked out of your doctor’s office or gym just for hulk-smashing their thousand dollar scale.

5. Do victory dance.

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Congratulations! You’ve just cut one more unnecessary pound out of your life. And that victory dance at least burnt enough calories to count as another 4lbs, right?

Thinking Out Loud: Do you weigh yourself? Why or why not?

What are your expirences with the scale?

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9 thoughts on “How to Lose 5lbs in 5 Minutes (or Less)

  1. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I weighed myself… probably 2 or 3 years? I used to be obsessed with stepping on the scale when I was in the depths of my ED, and giving it up was one of the things that helped me the most when it came to recovery. There’s nothing like the freedom that comes with not being tied down by numbers.

  2. This cracks me up! I love the Grandma with the gun. Go Grandma!
    I haven’t weighed myself in a long time either. I was supposed to weigh myself all through recovery, but then at a certain point I was like, “No more.”

    • I know! That Grandma comic gets me every time. 🙂 Recovery is about healing ourselves inside and out. Sometimes that means looking away from the numbers and realizing what behaviors, like weighing yourself, are hurting you rather than healing you.

  3. I LOVE THIS. So much. I think it’s become a mental battle of learning to just give up that number. I still weigh myself occasionally, but I”M so thankful that I’m not enslaved to it anymore. Jesus came to free me of any addictions and idols. He came to free me to take on His light burden and His easy yok,e not those numbers.

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