Why I'm Done Being "Better" | Fuel For Freedom

Why I’m Done Being “Better”

That’s it. I’m done. I want to get rid of the “-ers.”

You know what I’m talking about.

When you did the best you could… but think you could have done bett-er.

When you finish that race… but think you could have ran fast-er.

When you lift a new PR… but think you could have been strong-er.

better way

There’s nothing wrong with pushing yourself. If we never aimed for higher goals, we’d always be stuck in our old ways. Inventing excuses for underachieving simply to make ourselves feel good is a trap all in itself.

But there’s a difference between realizing where you have the potential to improve… and neglecting to celebrate the achievements you already have in a constant pursuit of something “better.”

Atelphobia: the fear of not being good enough

My life used to be ruled by “-ers.” I needed to be smarter. I needed to be prettier. I needed to be purer. I needed to be thinner.

These goals never had a finish line. My report card would be straight A’s, and I’d still think I needed to get a 100% instead of a 96. The scale would dip dangerously below a healthy weight– wwaaayyy beyond the last five pounds I thought I needed to lose to be skinny–and I’d still chastise myself for the single bite of cookie I’d allowed myself after dinner.

My so-called successes weren’t good enough.

I wasn’t good enough.

And THAT’S precisely the lie that eating disorders tell you.

Eating disorders aren’t about the food or exercise. They’re about using food and purging tatics as punishment for what we perceive as not being “good enough” to ridiculously high and (damn near impossible) standards.

Freedom comes in realizing we are the only ones who set these so-called rules for ourselves. Weaknesses can be beautiful.

You are Enough

We don’t need to be stronger. Or faster. Or prettier. Or thinner. Or whatever-er. As long as we know we are doing the best we can, that’s all we can hope to be.

The best version of you isn’t one who’s constantly trying to be “better.”

It’s the one where you are the happiest, where you have the ability to laugh, enjoy life, and recognize the beauty that is yourself.

Thoughts?

–> What’s one “-er” you wish you could get rid in your life? For me, it’s often the belief I have to be stronger when I lift weights. Then I look at how far I’ve come in the past years (instead of days or weeks) and realize I am strong. 🙂

–> What standards do you find that you often compare yourself to?

–> Is it okay to always want to be better at something? Where do you draw the line?

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5 thoughts on “Why I’m Done Being “Better”

  1. Hi, I’m clicking over from the TOL linkup.
    I love this post! Although I’ve never had a diagnosed ED, I’ve definitely felt the heavy weight of the “-ers” you’ve described. It’s tough to just enjoy your accomplishments when you’re constantly seeking perfection. I’m going to remember this when I’m pushing myself too hard.
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. I love the idea of getting rid of the -ers. I mean, I definitely think it’s important to have goals and improve, but also to be grateful and happy with where we currently are… and to progress because we feel like we’re worthy of it and not because we feel unworthy without it. If that makes sense.

  3. I’ve never really thought about it like that, but I definitely have problems shaking the ‘ers’ off too. As a bit of a perfectionist, I need to learn to be happy with where I am, not constantly trying to push forward without actually appreciating how far I’ve already come.

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