When I Say I’m Fat…

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I don’t feel good enough. 

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I feel unloved & unloveable, no matter how many times you tell me otherwise.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I feel out of control. 

Failure is a bruise not a tattoo.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I feel like a failure, even if I got a 95% on that project or aced that job interview.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m hungry, physically or spiritually.

roast beef and spinach
Sometimes food solves the “fat” feeling. Lots and lots of food.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m angry or upset.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I hate what I see in the mirror. I don’t see the beauty you see.

society killed beauty

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m soooo tired. I need a break for a while, whether from overexercising or homework or just plain being around people and dealing with life.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m anxious about the future. Change is scary. Change is not what I’ve been doing. Change is not “safe.”

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m so sad & lonely, even if I’m surrounded by people.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I feel unnoticed for what the positive things I do with my talents.

inhale. exhale.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I’m stressed and overwhelmed. 

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I don’t know where to run for help.

When I say I’m fat, what I really mean is… I feel sick of being stuck in my ways, but don’t know how to change.

Stars can't shine without darkness.

When I say I’m fat, I don’t really mean I’m fat. I know we all have “fat days.” I know I’m not 1,000lbs. I know “fat” should not be a negative word. I know my real problem isn’t about weight. Still, in a way, I don’t know that. I’m not ready to accept that because….

Saying I’m fat is easier than feeling the emotions.

Next time I say “I’m fat,” don’t judge. Don’t tell me how skinny I am or how out of shape you think you are or that I need to “just eat.” Don’t tell me to go to the gym or that I’m beautiful. Instead, remind me that feeling emotions is okay. Ask me about my life and what’s really going on. Help me see the root of my problems, instead of relying on that filler word: “fat.”

You are not fat. You have fat. Umm, seriously?

Be there for me. Listen to what I’m not saying. because I’m still learning that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to not be 100% all the time. It’s okay to not always have a smile on my face or to want to spend a night binge-watching TV shows instead of going out with friends.

What’s not okay is allowing those emotions to remain hidden. When those feelings go unrecognized, then they build and build until they explode. When I mask them over with “I’m fat,” I never realize why I’m truly suffering.

Don't forget you're human.

I’ll get there. I’ll learn “fat” is not a bad word. I’ll learn I’m appreciated. I’ll learn the world would be a completely different place without my presence. I’ll learn failure is okay. I’ll learn what it means to be human.

I’ll learn to feel again.

Your turn: 

–> Have you ever said “I’m fat,” but meant something else?

–> Why do you think we say “I’m fat” when we really don’t mean it?

–> What makes you stressed or overwhelmed? How do you get over it?

As always, a big thanks to Amanda for the link-up!

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10 thoughts on “When I Say I’m Fat…

    • I agree that insulting ourselves won’t get us anywhere, and that’s something I’ve stopped doing. But I wrote to bring awareness to the fact that the words we tell ourselves have such a power. We need to realize what we tell ourselves in our inner monologues. Thanks for your kind words and for stopping by!

  1. Beautifully said. I definitely notice that I struggle with body image a lot more when I’m either stressed out or getting down on myself about other things. It seems to be a lot easier to attack something we can physically see than it is to figure out what the heck is going on in our heads, but that doesn’t actually solve any problems. I’ve learned that I’ll never be happy or feel good enough no matter how skinny I am, which means that no diet or workout plan is ever going to help.

    • Stress definitely plays a factor! It’s easy to attack our bodies. Not so easy to discover the true source of our unease. I think once we all realize that we will never be happy fulfilling a certain body image, then it’s one great step toward embracing ourselves as we are–imperfections and all.

  2. I relate to every single word in this post. The comparison game is so real thanks to social media. I want to get to a place where thinking about food and my body is not an “all the time” kind of thing…obviously I still want to be healthy, but I still think I obsess about it when I don’t need to.

  3. My therapist reminded me that “fat is not a feeling” and he emphasized the importance on expressing our true emotions. Fat is easy to hide behind and I find it easiest to blame. The more we speak our true feelings the more human we become- apart from the disorder! Thank you for sharing your feelings.

  4. Interesting post! For those of us who *are* fat and coming to body acceptance, being able to say “I am fat” is a revelatory. For actual fat people embracing their bodies, saying this means: I have a body weight at the higher end of the spectrum or I am fat-shaped – and nothing more! It is a descriptor we want to be as neutral as the words “thin” or “tall”. Unfortunately fat bodies are deemed unacceptable by much of society (something I’m trying to help change!), so to be able to claim “fat” for oneself without judgment is wonderful. I know that when I was thin (after having been fat) saying, “I feel fat” meant all the things you wrote about, and most specifically for me it meant “I feel unacceptable.” It’s ironic that now that I am fat again and accepting myself that I don’t experience that feeling of unacceptability. Working on seeing fat as a neutral body shape/size/type has been the key to this change for me.

    • “Fat” should become a neutral word in society. Too often, it has a negative connotation but why? As you point out, it’s a descriptor. It’s not a feeling, it’s not shameful, and it’s not something that should be skirted around. Glad to hear how body positive you’ve become!

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