I’m sorry for comparing you to others, when you were created to be one-of-a-kind.
I’m sorry for depriving you of fuel, of nutrients, that your brain so desperately needs. For not listening to the hunger cues you were giving.
I’m sorry for purging away the food you so enjoyed.
I’m sorry for sweating away your precious energy in the gym, trying to mold you into something you’re not.
I’m sorry for wanting to dig into your veins to get rid of the pain.
I’m sorry for making you sick.
I’m sorry for whittling you away piece by piece, making you smaller when you were born to stand out.
I’m sorry for not acknowledging your importance to my life. Without you, I’d be nothing.
I’m sorry for hating you.
But I’m no longer ignoring you.
Today marks the start of freedom. I won’t compare you to anything else. Not even my friend on Facebook or that thin girl on Instagram. Not even that muscular bodybuilder on those magazines or my sister’s pictures on Twitter.
I’ll feed myself with good food—both for the body and soul. I’ll eat that extra piece of chocolate because it tastes like heaven on my tongue. I’ll go to the gym if I feel like it, or cuddle up under the blankets instead because it’s just too cold to leave.
I’ll accept that recovery might mean gaining weight. That I have to trust you to get me to a weight that’s healthy for me. Not what I think is healthy.
I’m going to speak to you like a loved one. I will treat you right.
My body image and weight will fluctuate (even during a single day!) But what will never change is that I’m stuck with you.
So, body… I love you!
How do you show yourself body love?